


Forty-Five: Accidentally Witnessed Kiss (Bungle In The Jungle)

by Terrantalen



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [2]
Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fossil Lives A Hard Knock Life, He's Doing It For Himself, M/M, Tumblr ficlet, accidentally witnessed kiss, kiss kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29861226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terrantalen/pseuds/Terrantalen
Summary: When Fossil can't track down his best (only) two keepers, he's forced to go on the hunt for them.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Series: Tumblr Ficlets [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195373
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12
Collections: Trash Triplets Present (to our own surprise): The Completely Spontaneous Kiss Kiss Week Collection





	Forty-Five: Accidentally Witnessed Kiss (Bungle In The Jungle)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kdqt314 (kdobrole5)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kdobrole5/gifts).



What they don’t tell you when you get kidnapped by a millionaire to manage a pocket-sized zoo in central London is how little time you’re going to have to color in your forms with your special crayons, or patch your cheese canoe, or do the other little things that make life living. No, they don’t mention any of that in the tiny shipping crate you’ve been stuffed into for your transatlantic journey. It’s all glamour and flash. _You get a tin of soup a week_ , and _a set of special crayons, a single, permanent uniform made out of irreplaceable blue fabric_ … all the gravy. They don’t mention that it’s going to be hard freakin’ work, that you’re going to have to run after the goddamn zookeepers like a bunch of marbles on a tilt-o-whirl.

It’s the kids these days. Nobody just wants to show up and do their job.

No. It’s always _Joey Moose has been murdered_ or _Grahame has gone to live with a chinchilla commune in South Africa_ or _Mrs. Gideon is the Prime Minister and doesn’t work here anymore_. Some stupid crap that means seeds ain’t getting thrown in cages and piles of poop are piling up like car wrecks made out of poop.

Sometimes, it seems like the only two idiots left in the whole damn zoo are Moon and Vince, and since Moon is a total loss, there’s only really one idiot running the zoo, and Vince can’t be expected to keep things together on his own, not when he’s walking around with that ass that just won’t quit and not much else.

It’s up to Fossil to provide them with careful management and motivation, and how is he supposed to manage or motivate anyone when he can’t find a single person to scream at?

He’s tried the usual methods. Shouting through the PA system, shouting in his office, shouting down the hall, and now shouting through the pathways of the zoo on his way to shout into the keeper’s hut, but, so far, his efforts have yielded nothing.

“Moon!” Fossil screams as he walks past Jack Cooper’s cage. “Vince!” he squeals. Nothing.

Where the hell are those two clowns?

He makes it as far as the first window of the keeper’s hut before he sees a large fist gripping a tiny, pink t-shirt and Vince being forced backward by a lumbering figure, and it all suddenly makes sense. Someone is killing Vince.

No other way to explain why he didn’t come when Fossil called, or the way his boots are scraping against the wooden floor, or the noises he’s making. Helpless moans! Desperate pants! A groan that could only be caused by an icepick being driven straight through his eyes! Fossil sees Vince’s hand flail at the shoulder of the person brutalizing him and it’s enough.

Say what you want, but Bob Fossil ain’t no freakin’ coward!

“I’ll save you, little Vincey!” Fossil screams as he charges into the window. He’ll break right through the wall; the keeper’s hut is made out of cardboard, polystyrene, and Blu Tack anyway, but he unexpectedly bounces off the glass, and falls straight back onto his ass with a scream of, “My nuts!”

A moment later, Vince runs out of the keeper’s hut. Fossil has done it. He’s provided the necessary diversion to allow him to escape, but then he sees a booted foot emerging through the door and Fossil does the only thing he can think of. He rolls into the path of Vince’s attacker, taking a kick to the stomach as the other man trips over him and lands heavily on the cobbles.

“Run, Vince! Save yourself!” Fossil shouts as he scrabbles up to pin the man he’s just tripped. He grabs his arms and holds him down. “Go!”

“Mr. Fossil, what are you doing?” Vince asks, clearly freaking out on account of Fossil’s noble sacrifice.

“Oh, you beautiful bimbo, get out of here!” Fossil screams. “Remember me next time you’re in the bath!”

“Get off me,” demands the man underneath him. “That’s my spine, you berk!”

“Moon?” Fossil asks. He lets Howard turn over.

“Lunatic,” Vince says. He pushes Fossil away and helps Howard to his feet, then starts dusting him off.

Fossil looks from one to the other of them.

Vince’s lips look especially pink and plump, and Moon looks like he’s got some lip gloss on his cheek, and Vince’s hair is a bit mussed up, and Moon’s uniform isn’t totally buttoned, and Vince’s hands are hovering over him, plucking little bits off straw from his jacket and from his hair, and Moon is holding Vince’s upper arm in a way that looks gentle and reassuring, and Vince’s face is scrunched up with concern, and Moon looks like he’s finally figured some shit out, and— _“Ohmygod! You guys are totally bumming!”_

Vince and Howard freeze. Nobody says anything.

Moon’s arm slides around Vince’s shoulders and he holds him against his side. Vince peeks up at him with a besotted sideways glance. “And?” Moon asks.

Fossil stands up. “And get back to work! What do you think? The bats can get their own buckets of blood in the morning? The lions don’t need anyone to play parcheesi with? No making out on the clock! Jesus jumping Christ, you dicks! This place is falling apart! Get your freakin’ shit together and do some work!”

Howard and Vince gape at him, and Fossil nods. Motivation and management thus provided, he tugs down his shirt and heads back to his office to color in some forms and add another layer of Kraft Singles to his canoe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the prompt, Kady!


End file.
